Category: Let's talk
Ok, so first of all, I will be turning eighteen next month. From my understanding with social security, you're suppose to have your own account for you to get your own money. Well, last month, I made up in my mind what bank I would use and so on. The problem is my mother. Everytime I try to discuss social security stuff with her, she awkwardly dismisses the subject and when I ask her what letters says that they send, I get nothing.
And, I'm not sure what else I need to say from here. Surely I'm not the only person whose been in this situation. I've tried talking to other adults about this, but I figured getting advice here would be best.
So here is my advice.
set up your bank account with whomever.
Then, once you turn 18, call or visit your local social security office and have the money put into your own account.
Note that as long as you are living at home, you will either get less of it, or be required to contribute some of it to your parents for your room and board. You'll have to talk to your social security office about it.
Turning 18 means a lot of things, and one of those is adult responsibility. That means plan for how you're going to get the bank account set up, and then talk to Social Security to get the transfer done. You will probably need the routing number and account number for your bank account.
Yes, I'm going down to talk with them anyway. I have to turn this student form in.
I'm setting up an account the first of next month because they consider me 18 a day before my birthday, which will work out perfectly for me. I know I'm required to contribute to me living there, but she wants to keep it all, which I'm not let happen because it's mine.
Oh my god, I know so many people in your situation. I agree with Leo, but
when you create an account make sure it's nota a joint account. I'm glad you're
willing to take this step. I"m pretty sure your mother won't want to dismiss the
subject when she doesn't have the next month's deposit in her hands
Yes Lakeria, it is yours. I paid $100 a month to live at home and did the dishes and my own laundry and sometimes watched the kids. The rest of my check was mine. Don't be bullied. Prove you are responsible and she'll have no reason to fight it.
making sure it's your bank account, and your bank account only, will ensure that your family can only have access to the amount that you give them access to.
it's important that you stand firm on this with your family, to let them know that, since you're becoming an adult, you wanna be treated like one. then, back those words up with action, so they're more likely to take your word.
Also most banks don't require a printed statement anymore. You can get it all on your phone. My daughter doesn't even have a checkbook with her account. We do, because the Better Half uses checks sometimes. Me, I just do the card, Paypal or a money order.
We're a long way from when I had to type on raised line checks. lol
also, I forgot to say this earlier, but leo is right. the social security office can set up direct deposit for you, if that's easiest.
Ok, thanks. I guess the thing is just doing it. I won't even bring it up with her anymore. I'll just mail this form in after it's completed and find a way to the bank next month so that I have my money for June since it appears I'm the only real woman in this situation.
You should probably also tell your Mom once you've opened the bank account
and redirected the social security payments. While she doesn't have a right to
receive your money, if she has done so to date, then you should let her know in
advance that she won't get it in case she has budgeted to spend it.
She's gonna try to budget it, but can't discuss it with her anymore. It's not working.
I agree with Ed, but if you can't discuss it, sit down and send her an email.
I find that email evens the playing field for many arguments or difficult discussions.
One thing is, you have a record of what you both say.
Next, your temper can be checked, if you allow it so, and you can write rational.
No joint accounts. All can be emailed to you and such.
Now, if you are now adult, you also need to learn what it will cost you to stay.
You eat, use lights, internet, water. She should be able to give you something reasonable to pay.
Not talking about your mother, so please don't take this next statement wrong.
All adults don't budget well, and maybe, due to her not understanding, or not being willing to help you get in to adulthood, she has over extended herself, so needs the money.
Maybe she is living on the skin of her teeth, so you are going to cause her a major problem.
Ask her about this, and try to figure out a way to help her to a point.
It really shouldn't be a hassle, these things, and parents should be the people that help you the most, even allowing some foolishness when you first get your "Money." Smile, but sadly, this isn't the case.
Keep posting, and maybe the Zone here will help in your choices.
Well, Wayne, you hit it on the nose. I want to talk about it withh her, but how when she
refuses to let me bring it up?
We're gonna have to do something because I want more than just a few dollars.
I’m not sure of the dynamics here, but I don’t think talking is always the best idea. When one person is willing to talk and feels shut ut by the other, you have to assert yourself by taking action and making it a fet accomplis. Maybe taking the action in the form of having a bank account with the check totally deposited in your name will force her to admit that she’s overspent, if that’s the case. That way you can always say hey, I tried to discuss the matter, but when you wouldn’t, I had to take matters into my own hands. I’m a legal adult, so on some level I get to make these decisions. Now do you want to talk? If so, let’s see what we can do to benefit each other. She’ll know she can’t push you around, and you’ll know that you can stand up for yourself. Of course, this might result in you having to find a place of your own, so don’t be too surprised at that outcome either.
Yes, I have a plann for moving out, but then, the family would get involved.
Oh, I already have what I need to say when the time comes, but I'm giving her one
month to accept the reality.
Also, have any of you, whenn becoming an adult, had to switch providers when trying to
budget?
You sound like you are already making some very adult decisions.
Acting like an adult is not defined by age, but maturity.
I'm not sure what your relationship with your mother is, but it doesn't sound all that bad.
It sounds like she feels threatened by the loss of your social security income. So, you need to be the adult here and present her with some nonthreatening, workable solutions.
Good luck.
Bob
What would be the solution if she tried talking to her mom and the topic is
deliberately being avoided?
Well, one thing, her mom can't help but hear declarative sentences like: "here's what I'm going to do if we can't work out a different scenareo."
Avoid sentences like, "you bitch, you shoulda thought of that a long time ago!" or the like.
Bob
I agree with Bob.
And having a daughter who moved out almost a year ago now, I'll tell you this: she' gonna learn what costs look like for real. The best thing a kid can do for parents is be rational and realistic. Don't just say 'No!' 'Mine!' but be the adult you expect everyone to see you as.
I agree with Bob too.
What do you mean by switching providers?
As an aside, I saw a book on bard that I probably won't read, but it was titled "would you just get out of my life? But first could you take me and Suzy to the mall?"
I'll never read that book, but I love the title.
Bob
I'll never read that book either. She's only been moved out for a year.
Like, cable providers.
I've been forced to make adult decisions like this for forever now, so it's innate now.
have you talked to the cable company about maybe finding a better deal?
just my thoughts, as there may be something out there that you don't know about.
as for switching, though, that really shouldn't be as big of a deal as you're anticipating.
Ah. Interesting for you to have had that to do.
I talked about these services in my home, but never gave a child any responsibility to handle them.
Any services, or house business was mine to deal with.
Any money my child earned, or received was there's completely.
I talked about savings, and such, and after about age 13 or so, let them have the responsibility of buying the clothes they wanted with their allowances, or any money they could earn.
All necessities were provided, and extras as well, depending on grades and such.
At 18, if they were in the house, and had some money, like a job, I had them pay a little something. Like, the water bill.
At that age I also stopped supporting things like cellphones, music, fancy electronic gadgets, and such. These they could buy themselves.
All necessities were still provided, because, these were provided anyway, so why stop providing them?
If they remained in my house, they had to follow the rules of my house, even as adults, or I helped them move, or they moved.
Again, do not take my statements to hart, but your situation is going to require a bit different handling, and you’ll need to start deciding on how.
Maybe it would be a good idea to get a family member that handles their affairs properly, to intercede, and help you both come to an agreement.
Well, what we have now is something we don't need, especially when there are cheaper
options out there.
Once again, I see I'll just have to take care of business since I'll have the right too.
Thanks for all the advice. I am noticing little differences, but will post back next month.
Please let us know how it works out.
Good luck!
Bob
I second that.
Good luck.